Nov 27, 2014


When there's nothing to say.
When there's nothing you can do.
When you wish for something more.
When you hope for the better.
When tears stream down your face.
When you wake up in the middle of the night.
When you realise why you woke up.
When you're not here.
When you wake up in the morning.
And you still feel the same.

Aug 13, 2014

What can I say?

It´s been a month since I´ve written.
I´m not ashamed.
Well oh maybe a little.
A lot has happened.
As always.
Let´s leave that in the past.
I guess sometimes being sad.
And upset.
Brings out the words I see.
On a piece of paper.
Oh well, now on a bright screen.
It´s true.
Life isn´t just fun and games.
Even if people pretend and want it to be.
It´s always the same old roller coaster.
Constantly on it.
Even if I try to jump off it.
It´s impossible.
It never stops at the bottom.
Or it might stop.
But mine never lets me get off.
I guess I bought a ticket, it says "valid for eternity".
This is a good reminder for me though.
A reminder of who I am.
The overly sensitive soul.

With my deep thoughts.
I wish I could teleport myself now.
Just for 1 hour.
To my pier.
My safe place.
The complete silence.
The nature around me.
My thoughts.
And my complete silence.
But even just closing my eyes.
Takes me back there.
Calms my mind.
Puts a smile on my face.
I have amazing memories.
And even more amazing memories to come.

I need to do this more.
And when you read this.
Don´t ask me what´s wrong.
Just be happy for me.
I found it again.

"I can say I did it all with love"

Jul 14, 2014

Just a thought.

I just realized.
There's a feeling.
I've never thought about before.

The feeling.
When you wake up.
In the middle of the night.
It's early morning.
The sun is about to rise.
You struggle to open your eyes.
The kitchen.
The sink.
Dirty dishes.
All those shoes in the hallway.
Front door.
It takes a while.
To get your thoughts sorted.
Then you remember.
You turn your head.
Look back. 
There he is.
Even if he is turned the other way.
Even if he is snoring.
His presence.
Makes you smile.

That feeling.
Makes me happy.

A lot had happened.
And just enjoying moments.
Been neglecting this place. 
I need to see more words again.

Jun 24, 2014


Life just is.
And I´m happy.
Have I said that?

Midsummers went by.
Lots of wine.
Lots of beer.
Did I say sauna?
It was perfect.

I´m in love.
With here.
With this.
With him.

Now I´ll be stuck for the weekend.
Working at Tuska-festival.
Which basically means The Agony.
It´s all about.
And most importantly.
Heavy metal.
It´ll be all rainbows and unicorns.

Midsommar place.

Midsommar company day 1.

Midsommar company 2.
Road trip views/mobile uploads.

Road trip company/mobile uploads.

Late night fishing company/mobile uploads.

Jun 16, 2014

Midsummer week.

Last week just happened again.
And I keep forgetting to update.

Last week was hectic.
Went to some shows.
The weekend was filled with this and that.

On Saturday my friend Lasse released his brand.
Which means light.
It was a cool event.
It was in an old factory.
I love old industrial surroundings.
I get so inspired.

Sunday was my fun day as usual.
I can´t even explain my love for sundays.
The feelings.
Anything´s possible on a sunday.
We woke up.
And when I say we.
I mean me and him.
We walked to the other side of the city, Kallio.
Ate good sunday homey food.
Drove to this area outside of town, Laajasalo.
And walked through these abandoned villas.
So many questions arise.
I personally want one of the villas.
By the ocean.
In the middle of the woods.
Peace and quiet.

This week it´s Midsummers.
Which basically means the summer is here.
It´s light and bright.
We get days off work.
And head to the promised land of the cabins.
We will visit his cabin by a lake.
And then my parents cabin by the ocean.
Feel the breeze.
Swim in the ocean.
Smell the forest.
Eat well.
Enjoy good company.
Sweat in the sauna.
Drink a few beers.

I´ve missed this.
Enjoy the views.

My childhood friend Kalle, who´s very dear to me.

Jun 8, 2014

Dear diary.

I have been busy.
And happy.
And active.
And shit´s happened.

After a 6 year struggle.
I graduated school.
And I am now officially a graduated arts manager.
I went to school on friday.
Got the verdict.
Walked out in to the sunshine.
And tears started streaming down my face.
The joy.
The proudness.
The emotion of getting something accomplished.

I went out.
Friday night.
Danced all night.
To the tunes of Hercules & Love Affair.
I love the new nightlife in Helsinki.
Finally Helsinki is catching up to the rest of Europe.

Headed to the summer house.
By the ocean.
Skinny dipping.
And most importantly.
My love.

Here´s some weekend feelings.
Talk to you soon.

My parents summer house.
The bonfire was one of the key factors of saturday night.

May 25, 2014


I´ve been making myself too busy.
I guess I have a tendency to do so.
I make too many plans.
And it brings me stress.
To have time to do everything.
When I sometimes just need time by myself.
Even the weekend went my so fast.
It was a good one though.
Really good one.
And love.
Today I went to my parents summer house.
It was one of the most relaxing things I´ve done in a while.
It´s a paradise.

Summer cottage.
And a handsome man.

Baby boo.

One of my favourite places in Helsinki.

Through the glass.
Street art.
And my boyfriend.
I have one.

May 18, 2014

I scream.

A lot has happened.
I can´t believe I´ve been home.
1 month.
I have my own apartment.
I have a job.
I have found a big liking in someone.
Somehow all of this happened in a blink of an eye.
I do feel happy.
I am smiling more than usual.
I am not planning any travels.
For a while at least.
I feel content.
I´m surrounded by amazing people.
They make me laugh until I cry.

I went to see a show.
I danced for a good few hours.
And out.
To eat a lot of different cuisines.
Restaurant day was here.
I have some plans for the end of the summer.
When it´s held again.
Then we chilled in the park.
Me and 3 other girls.
Good times.
Was today.
I spent my entire day at the flea market.
Not a lot of people came.
The weather was BEAUTIFUL.
So I didn´t make a lot of money.
Well, it´s ok.

Popcorn SHIRT.
Flea market finds.

She was for sale too.

Beautiful topped with some Aioli.
I have missed Tori.
Amazing food.

Icecream in Finland marks the start of the summer.
I did it on the beach as well, that´s huge.

May 7, 2014

Weird things happen.

Life sometimes surprises me.
Well a lot of times.
Always one step ahead.
You never know what´s around the corner.
I have a long to-do list.
I wish everything would be done.
By magically snapping my fingers.
Reality does not unfortunately work like that.
I am trying to proceed.
Still figuring things out.
At least I have many reasons to smile.
Continuously reminding myself.
Everything happens for a reason.


May 3, 2014

May day.

Came and went.
It was fast.
And filled with laughter.
And friends.

I´ve gotten stuff done.
I have a home.
I can´t believe it.
I am moving forward in graduating.
I usually don´t lack feeling.
But my thesis does.
How do I insert more feeling?
I feel like throwing up.
Reading and editing the thesis.
I want it to be done with.

I came home to my parents.
To take it easy for one night.
Calm down.
Tonight I will O.D.
On sushi.
I guess I´ll move to my own castle next week.
The keys are in my pocket.

It was all black.
As it usually is.

Apr 29, 2014

An ode to sauna.

You walk in.
You´re bare.
Your skin glitters.
Sweat drops push through your skin.
Until they drip.
You breathe out.
Hot air.
You scratch your skin.
And dead skin gets stuck under your fingernails.
You start to feel the heat.
Water on the stove.
More heat.
You can´t take it anymore.
The cleanse is done.
The process is over.
You walk out.
Open the window.
Your body releases heat.
It looks like smoke.
You look through the window.
The freshest breathe of air you´ve ever felt.
The smell of nature.
You see the ocean.
You hear the birds.
Soon you´ll take the leap.
The leap for the ocean.
I´ve been dirty for too long.

Apr 28, 2014


I woke up early.
I ran.
I made up for treating my body badly.
My mother asked me if I´m back in a healthy lifestyle.
I said.
I can always have one healthy day.
And a few bad ones after that.
Tomorrow´s a big day.
Have a few meetings.
And a presentation.
I´m happy I´m getting things done.
If I am really determined.
I can do anything.

The weekend was amazing.
So surprising.
Filled with love.
And so rough.
I´m getting old.
I love.
A lot.

I missed this.

Apr 25, 2014

Piece by piece.

I´m putting it all together.
I am seeing an apartment on tuesday.
I have ideas brewing.
I will create.
My school is almost completed.
The sun is shining.
I´m inspired.
It´ll be good.
Lykke Li is playing.
Somehow I have finally understood her.
Sadness is a blessing.

I really do wish my view of the world.
And how I look at things.
Doesn´t change.
Even if I decide to stay in this pessimistic country.
I guess I´m good.
At least for the summer.

I just uploaded some pictures.

My new favourite person.
My sisters precious baby boy.

Miami hotel rooms.
I guess I was just testing to get the light right.

Airport views in Belize City.
Jesus is Lord.
What else can I say?

I miss the crazy and hilarious boys.
They´ll have another brother soon.

Random Caye Caulker rap music video shoots.
Protected by the law.

Our swim school days.

Jezih as the king of the world.
Or Caye Caulker.

Apr 22, 2014


I have been home.
Almost a week. 
It amazing.
It's beautiful.
And yet I am struggling.
After living 2 years away.
I feel like I have to find my role again.
Where should I live?
Who should I see?
What should I do?
It's made me so restless.
My recent years have made me restless.
I need a base.
I want to slow down. 
I think it's here.
My mind is scattered. 
And I'm completly lost. 
No one else around me is. 
And I feel so alone. 
Can you take my hand?
And lead the way.
I'd love to have a navigator.
To guide me through life.

I have missed all of this.

Apr 15, 2014


24 hours in Miami.
I'm wrecked.
And my credit card got stolen.
Here I sit at the airport.
Thirsty as shit.
Boarding in 10 mins.
Baby, I'm going home.
I feel people looking at me.
I look.
And feel.
And so tired.

P.S. I became an auntie yesterday!
My sister gave birth to an amazing human being.

Apr 11, 2014

Final days.

My time here on the island is coming to an end.
I can´t believe it.
Feels sad.
But also very good.
I am excited.
Miami for a day.
And then back home.
It´s been forever.
Last time was in august.

Right now we have the coolest lady staying with us.
She made us lasagne.
She´s 72.
And has had an exciting life.
Tough life.
Has kids.
Who cheated and got someone pregnant.
After 19 years of marriage.
And 5 kids.
She lost a son, who was 26.
She had a blood clot.
She had cancer.
She´s been healthy for 3 years now.
She sold everything she had.
Because she was bored of sitting alone at home.
And now she´s been in Belize for 7 months.
She inspires me.
And I´m happy I can have adult conversations with her.
I never got to do that with my grandparents.

Paradise continued.

Someone left their glasses behind, now they´re mine.

Jezih showed me how to catch small fish during sunset last night.

Luna, the hostel dog was in heat for 2 weeks.
And all the island dogs were here every night driving us crazy.
It´s finally over.

My old den.
I sleep in another little cottage now.

Apr 5, 2014


I wanna dive in Honduras.
I wanna do a yoga retreat in India.
I wanna road trip, again, in the States.
I wanna see friends in Australia.
I wanna surf in Nicaragua.
I wanna dance with locals in Jamaica.
I wanna island jump in Greece.
I wanna lay in a park by the lake in Lugano, Switzerland.
I wanna see the nature in Iceland.
I wanna take pictures of locals in Peru.
I wanna meditate in Hawaii.

This is where life is pulling me.
It´s not a holiday.
It´s a lifestyle.
Are you ready?

Thank you 40 000 people.
For following my adventures.

Home coming.

I´m so restless today.
Feeling like it´s time to make a move.
I´m really scared too.
And maybe a bit upset.
I´m scared about going home.
I keep thinking that I have been away so long.
That I don´t fit in the picture anymore.
I sometimes feel like I have been away so long.
People just forget about me.
And I´m not a part of their lives anymore.
And when I´m back they´re not going to remember that I´m there.
What is my role in the big picture.
Will I find my place?
Makes me sad.
I am regretting not going to Honduras.
And Nicaragua.
I will return.

Yesterday morning was all yellow. 

Apr 1, 2014

Lazy haze.

I was so determined to write.
On my thesis.
I have a week left.
I was so tired.
I woke up at 7am.
And at 10am I was back in bed.
I snoozed through the entire day.
Until I felt guilty and woke up at 5pm.
It was really needed.
Today I was even more determined.
And I really got a lot done today.
So many pages.
I feel positive.
Have to be double trouble bubble determined tomorrow.

You´re probably tired.
Tired of my turquoise pictures.
I guess I am a bit too.

Floating through life.

Never getting sick of these sunsets.

Same old, same old.

Mar 29, 2014


The time came.
I had to sit down and plan the future.
I bought some flights.
I am returning home.
After escaping so long.
After 8 months of not seeing my loved ones.
It´s time.
I am scared.
To go back.
I am scared of having to deal with my life.
Having to deal with the next step in my life.
I wish someone could do it for me.
And tell me what I should do.
Where I should go.
I am a wanderer.
I can´t sit still.
I need adventures.
I know everything is going to work out.
I have been a bit upset the last days.
New people entered my life.
New amazing friends.
You create feelings.
And then it´s time for goodbyes.
Nothing here is permanent.

Sunsets on rooftops.
My heart will hurt when I leave him behind.
He has given and received so much love, I wish I could bring him home.
Pic by my friend Samuel. 

Don´t do canoe trips alone.
When it´s windy.
You might feel helpless.

Blurry FB picture.
But oh so pretty.
By Samuel. 

Mar 22, 2014


Nothing changes.
Days look alike.
It´s saturday.
I´m not sure what to say.
Today I went to teach two small boys how to swim.
At one point I had three kids on my back while swimming.
It was a good workout.
I might go out tonight.
If the vibe is right.
Been so tired lately.
I have also been focusing on my school work.
17 pages down.
Life is simple.
And sweet.
And hot.

This is where I mostly just sleep.
And change.

I have a fan in my room.
Rarely use it.
Someone decorated the room with a xmas sock.

My precious baby.
I love him.

I have met a lot of beautiful people on my trip.
I wish I would have taken more pictures of them.
This is Lorenzo.
From Italy.

Mar 18, 2014

1 month.

Yesterday was my 1 month anniversary.
In Belize.
I had to go to the island next to this one.
San Pedro.
And get my visa re-stamped.
So now I am good to go for another month.
Let´s see what happens.
Life is so chill here.

But I am sometimes longing for the real life.
I am missing my inspiration.
It´s coming back to me.
As I just got a grant for 1500€ to do a photo project.
I am so excited.
It definitely is a sign that I need to do my thing.

I am missing home.
I am missing the states.
I am missing my people.
And my loved ones.
My bestie Pierre.
Left me.
It was a sad day.
Nothing is permanent.

I am so happy though.
On this trip.
I have met so many people.
People have touched me.
I have heard amazing stories.
I have met people from all over.
They have given me so much.
It´s been like therapy for me.

My dear Pierre soaking up the sun.
Oh yeah, we went on a cosy lil fishing/snorkeling trip with our friend Jacob last week.
My family at the moment.
Jeff & Nicole, on the left are the owners of the hostel, and they´re about to have a baby. 

Oh yeah, I got some new ink, quick decisions. 

Mar 10, 2014

What to say.

Here I sit.
In the kitchen.
I stare at the screen.
Look to my right.
The porch.
To my left.
The ocean.
Full on sunshine.
The hottest day so far.
But what can you do.
You have to dedicate yourself.
I have to finish this.
I have to graduate.
Tomorrow I have a Skype presentation.
And I think I´ve written about 13 pages.
I´m doing good.

I have also been taken over by a weird feeling.
A new feeling.
I miss home.
And when I say home.
I mean Finland.
My family.
My friends.
It feels so good.
I am excited to spend my summer there.
I feel adventurous.
I have so much love to give.
And I am ready to receive.

The last days have been good.
I have been fishing.
I cought two snappers.
I was so proud.
I was thought how to cut them up.
Prepare them.
And then I cooked them.
And ate them.

I also have had amazing people around me.
Saying goodbye is always frustrating.
The recent days my best friend has been a french dude.
Feels like a little brother.
And his name is Pierre.
We had a big party night the other day.
Went to a new local club.
The second one on the island.
I wish I could share all the stories.
And share the feelings.
We danced all night.

This is what I see right now from the porch.

Mar 3, 2014

All day, everyday.

There´s not much happening.
I am so chill.
And I have ended up staying in Belize.
For longer than expected.
I have started volunteering at the hostel.
I love this place.
I live for free.
In exchange for some dish washing.
Easy living.
I also started a process.
The writing process.
For my thesis.
So I can finalise my bachelors degree.
It´s hard though.
To decide to sit indoors and write on the computer.
When you look outside.
And see palm trees.
The ocean.
Blue skies.
Am I really complaining?
Natural days with new details. 

My messy room, this picture is before I cleaned. 

The view from my room, the ocean. 

My two new babies. 

Feb 26, 2014

It feels like Sunday everyday.

I guess boredom took over a little bit.
So I arranged a pizza night at the hostel.
15 signed up.
And we made 9 pizzas.
Was fun.
Felt good to get a great communal feeling.
And the owners loved it.
I´m just stuck here.
But it´s ok.
I´m not in a rush to go anywhere.
Always this guilt.
Need to get over it.
I was awake until 5am.
I met a new friend.
From my home country.
And we sat up all night.
Talking about life in Finland.
Food in Finland.
My life.
His life.
Struggles of life.
But the consensus was.
Life is amazing.
I repeated (as I now do a lot),
out loud to remind myself:

"It´s the 25th of February.
It´s 11pm.
I don´t have a job.
I am in Belize.
It is a paradise.
Life is good"

I just have to keep reminding myself.
I guess I miss home.
In a different way than I have ever missed it.
New amazing things are coming my way.
I am feeling excited.
The world is my oyster.
But it´s true.

My daily surroundings.

I went sailing.
And snorkeling.
And felt the breeze that I had missed.
I am in my element out on the ocean.

My room, with the sunset, ocean view.

Feb 24, 2014

Last night.

Life is easy.
I have seen so much.
I have chilled.
I have smiled.
Last night we got a boat ride.
To the island next to this one.
San Pedro.
We went dancing.
I loved it.
All locals.
All dancehall.
Today I'm planning a move.
It's hard when you like somewhere.
A lot.
But my friend tells me I will love Utila as much.
I washed my little baby yesterday.
He brings me a lot of joy. 

Feb 20, 2014

Island life is slow.

I feel like this is the first time.
In a very long time.
Where I can do nothing.
And not feel the guilt.
It´s ok to not be productive.
I have had a hard time adjusting.
I still am adjusting. 
It´ll be a long process.

Yesterday I took the bike.
Went to the southern end of the island.
Found a wooden, old, handmade little jetty. 
I sat down. 
Heard nothing but nature. 
Saw nothing but turquoise water. 
And a little hut in the ocean. 
Invaded by birds. 
I was so taken by the whole beauty. 
And by what I was feeling. 
And what I was seeing.
I started crying. 
It felt so good. 

Yesterday I moved into a beautiful room.
It´s private.
It´s in a tower. 
It has windows in 3 directions. 
It has a hammock. 
I have ocean view. 
Sunset view. 
And I feel like I have my very own little treehouse. 

Light play on my very own pier.

My room and the view I wake up too.

Yesterday I stopped at this cute tiny graveyard.
I love old graveyards for some reason.
There´s a charm and beauty in them.

The highlight of yesterday.

The trail that took me to my paradise.
Here´s my new boyfriend.
Actually there´s two, they look exactly the same.
We play everyday.

My street, Island life. 
I met this cute little girl.
She´s 18 and travelling by herself all the way from Germany.
She reminded me so much of my old friend.

Feb 18, 2014

Caribbean life.

I am on a paradise island.
Caye Culker, Belize.
No cars.
Island life.
I got here yesterday.
And I am staying at the coolest hostel.
Where it feels like we all are room mates.
So communal.
And everyone is super social.
I am so happy.
Meeting amazing people.
With a lot of stories.
And different experiences.
But still.
Here we are.
In the same place.
Belize is a cool place.
So different than Guatemala.
Feels like I am in Jamaica.
They talk in the same way.
And the vibe is what I would imagine in Jamaica.

I updated my flickr today.
No pics from Belize yet.
Soon to come.

Climbed few of these the other day.
Went there at 4:30am.

Met one of these at the top of the ruin.

Been remembering that I did need more color in my life.

And more color, in Flores, an island in a lake in Guatemala.

Bad restaurant choices, with good views.

I love my street food.
I taste the love.
And I love that this meal was in total $1,30

These ladies had a table full of amazing, mind blowing, home made food.

Basketball courts with lake views and sunsets, not bad.

I kept walking around saying WOW and AMAZING, which I do constantly now days.

My last picture, my departure from Belize city to Caye Culker.

Feb 16, 2014

Later post.

Yesterdays thoughts.
I feel the wind in my hair.
The sunshine in my face.
The window next to me is open.
My arm might be slightly burned.
From dangling out from the window.
The past 6 hours. 
No wait, 7.
I've been mostly smiling.
Waving to locals.
Taken mental photographs.
Somehow thought about the Lion King.
I guess the fields I saw reminded me.
Tried to describe how I feel.
Tried to stress myself out.
On stupid things.
Realized everything works out.
I am worry free. 
Stress will not be apart of me.
Yesterday I realized.
I want to be a gypsy. 
Until I find what's mine.

Today I stood at the top.
The top of Mayan Ruins.
I can't believe the wonders of the world.

Feb 14, 2014

Slow life.

I am so sorry. 
For the delay. 
The internet is not the best in the jungle of Guatemala. 
I will try to upload pictures now.
I arrived here Monday. 
After an entire day of being on a bus. 
My ass was hurting a lot. 
It´s a bumpy ride. 
I am in a place called Semuc Champay.
Jungle life. 
Beautiful lakes. 
Monkeys in the trees.
Tubing in the river. 
Seeing locals wash themselves on the way. 
I have had an amazing 2 weeks with my friend Lasse. 
Who is also an adventurer from my mother country. 
We parted yesterday. 
He took off early in the morning.
And I am now on my very own adventure. 
I miss him.
I miss the company.
But I will see him soon.
And now I am on my very own adventure. 
Tomorrow I will be on the bus again for 10 hours.
I will go to Flores, Guatemala. 
Then Tikal, mayan ruins. 
Then through Belize. 
Then from Belize to Utila, Honduras.
There I will do my open water certificate. 
Start diving. 
And then I´m heading to Nicaragua. 

The other day. 
I stood at the top of the waterfall. 
It looked like from a scene from the Blue Lagoon. 
Turquoise water. 
I looked up to my right.
I saw the trees moving. 
Four monkeys eating.
Holding on the branches with their tails. 
I looked to my left. 
A steep mountain. 
With gigantic trees. 
Reaching for the water. 
Loud sounds. 
I said. 
I wish I could capture this very specific moment. 
So I could share it with you. 
So you could feel how my blood pulsates. 
So you could feel how fresh the air is. 
So you could feel the massive force of the waterfall. 
Vibrating through my body. 
So you could feel that very specific moment.
That tingling feeling of butterflies in your stomach. 
That moment where you say to yourself. 
"Where am I?". 
And "How did I get here". 
The only thing that came out of me. 
At that moment was. 

Not the exact moment I described. 
But nearly. 
Please check out my Flickr for more pictures. 
Or Instagram. 
Where I started a section. 

Feb 10, 2014

Moving camp.

I have been very active.
And taking a lot of pictures.
Last night I was in a little hobbit sauna.
I haven't been in one since august.
Felt like home.
It's time to leave San Marcos.
12 hour bus ride.
And I'll be in another jungle village.

Yesterday we visited Santiago.
And saw an amazing ceremony.
For the saint Maximón.

Feb 7, 2014

What day is it today?

I decided to participate in an acro yoga class.
And that got me really excited.
Me and my friend did a private class.
With these two amazing teachers.
I feel like a kid again.
Playing in the jungle.

I crossed the lake the other day.

I chilled in a tent on the other side of the lake.

This is my home right now and this is where I sleep, upstairs.

This is the view downstairs, I currently live with two men as you can see from the pile.

The textiles and colours are amazing, and I fell for these shoes.
Yes, I am becoming more colourful and I love it.

Feb 5, 2014


Is amazing right now.
I´m surrounded by jungle.
In a really beautiful place.
In San Marcos, Guatemala.
I live in a little hut.
Sleep upstairs.
My bathroom.
And my shower is outdoors.
I did a hula hoop workshop last night.
And I walk bare feet.
I´m happy.

Cuteness overload.

Beautiful towns.

Black and colours.

Car rides.

Swimming in lakes.


No cars.

Nature´s gifts.
Crosses and towns.



Feb 1, 2014


Sitting here.
Waiting for my friend. 
The airport is calling. 
I feel so strange. 
I did a big Miami night on thursday.
I will remember it forever. 
I did not sleep until 2pm yesterday.
Suffered all day. 
Everything is packed. 
I can´t even express how much I hate packing. 
I have done it more than "normal people". 
I never get better. 
I wonder if my backpack is too heavy. 
Maybe I´ll just throw stuff away on the way. 
I wish I could do a whole Miami dedication post. 
But you know what. 
I´m not really into that shit. 
It happened. 
You have seen it happen since I started this blog. 
Why look back. 
When I can look forward. 
Gracias Miami. 
You gave me a lot. 
I hated you a lot. 
I loved you a lot. 
I never fully understood you.
It´s time.

I got tear drops but I ain´t cryin. 

Jan 30, 2014

The chosen path.

Today is a good day.
Yesterday was not.
I got punished for choices I made.
I suffered.
I cried.
I said goodbyes.
Then I got up.
Realised I have done my share of crying.
No more.
I smiled.
I Giggled.
It led to laughter.
I stand firmly behind my choices.
And I am so happy.
I wish I could share this feeling with you.
Right now.
I am not sure when I have been this happy.
I am on the right path.
My belongings are on the path.
To Finland.
All I got is my backpack now.
My mantra for the whole year.
My 2014.
Don´t be surprised when we toast in July.
And I go "2014!!!!!!".

In other news.
I don´t need new socks.
But damn.
I love them.

Jan 27, 2014

All the secrecy is over.

Here it is.
Be privileged to find out.
Why I´ve been so quiet recently.
Besides my sickness.
I´ve had a hard time mentally.
You´ve heard my complaints.
I don´t think I´ve fully been happy.
For a very long time.
I have convinced myself for a long time.
That I am.
But I was just lying to myself.
Pushing real feelings aside.
And that made me depressed.
And it came fast.
And hard.
I had days where I didn´t want to get out of bed.
I just didn´t want to face my feelings.
Better to just sleep it all away.

A decision was made.
About 2 weeks ago.
There have been signs for a long time.
And one day something happened.
And it made me make the final decision.
And this is the biggest change.
Biggest decision I´ve ever made.
I have packed my whole life into boxes.
Yet again.
2 years fits in about 5 suitcases I would say.
And from that amount I have given away.
Loads and loads.
On saturday I´m throwing my backpack on my back.
My life as an assistant is over.
And I´m going to Guatemala.
And I´m totally free.
Free from everything.
I have no job.
No apartment.
No commitments.
All I have is a flight and my camera.
And we will make love.
Believe me.
I might graduate from school on the way too.

Do you know how it feels like?
To just have the road in tront of you?
I can tell you.
It´s all smiles.
I told you.
26 will be about me.
Throwback to Lombok, Indonesia 2011.
This feeling. 

Jan 26, 2014


I don´t think I´ve ever been this sick.
In my life.
Throwing up.
Body ache.
Yesterday I was not able to move.
So happy I have good friends.
My friend brought me gatorade.
That I threw up.
Today I feel slightly better.
Just really weak.
More to come.

Jan 24, 2014

My feelings can´t show.

I have been distant.
I am sitting here.
Just took the dogs out.
Listening to my friend Willis Earl Beals new album.
That he sent to me by email.
And commanded me to leak.
You really should listen.
His voice is magical.
He is an amazing person.
And he already is known.
But I do think he will grow to be even bigger.
Here´s the link. 
A place that doesn´t exist, is the album.
And my feelings can´t show is on repeat now.

My birthday happened.
Birthdays are always weird for me.
But this one felt so great.
Like 26 will be the most amazing year.
That´s how I felt.
I´m coming to life.
I got dressed up like a lady.
And had a fancy dinner.
And got filled with sake.
And got a little drunk.
And didn´t have my wallet the next day.
So it´s gone.
But you know what.
I won´t let that bring me down.
Things will sort themselves out.

Big changes are coming my way.
And that is also why I haven´t opened up my Etsy yet.
That has to wait for a while.

And I have a ticket to go to Guatemala.
Feb 1st.
Meeting up with a beautiful human being.
And exploring the wilderness.

My birthday fancy lady look. 

My birthday cake Nobu style.
And thanks to my friend Aiko who´s the manager I eat like a queen.
Spoiled queen. 

Jan 21, 2014


Today is my birthday.
26 will be the year.
My year. 
It's happening.
Wish me luck.

Jan 18, 2014


I have so much say.
And yet nothing.
So much going on in my head.
It´s overwhelming.
I miss someone a lot.
I went out on thursday.
One of those really random nights.
I needed to dance.
So that is what I did.
At a place called Rec room.
My friend was djing.
Then we danced some more in another place.
Yesterday was a rough day.
And today still a little tired.
I am brown haired now.
And in a hurry to go over to a mansion.
And eat meatballs.

I am trying to set up my etsy.
It´s so much work.

This is very I will stuff my face with meatballs.
So pretty.

My cuties today.
Last night they cuddled me so much I could not move.

My tour dad Wayne is in Miami to record an artist.

Sometimes I wish someone would model for me when I see things I wanna capture.
And surroundings.
But sometimes I´m the only one around.
And today I am all black.

Jan 15, 2014


To be announced.
I am officially opening an Etsy shop.
As you know I love my thrift stores.
I have a couple of times sent clothes to a vintage shop in Finland.
Maybe I will still do that at some point.
But now.
I wanted to start my own.
So today was a photoshoot.
All day.
Not done yet.
Will try to get the store up and running asap.
Also will be producing more posters of my photographs.

Erikas old cheerleading jacket will be for sale in the shop.
Also shipping to Finland. 

Jan 14, 2014


Today I was in Heat, Miami Heat.
And I am wearing yet again color.
Maybe it´s a habit.

I sold a poster of my NOPE piece.
Taken somewhere in a North Florida Field at 6am.
If you see anything on my site that you would like to purchase.
Contact me through the site.
And we can go from there.

Jan 13, 2014

I heart you.

I have never felt this energy from people.
On how much they get out of the New Year.
New opportunities.
Amazing vibes.
I feel it everywhere.
Everyone keeps reminding me too.
I have never felt special about a year changing until now.
I see everything so clearly now.
The signs are popping up everywhere.
I cried today.
I sat on the floor.
And I cried.
Other than that.
I had a pretty awesome day.
What about you?

PS. If you haven´t yet.
Go see my amazingly astonishing beautiful homepage

I took this picture today.
And I love the fact that for once.
I am in color.
(I always wear black).

Jan 12, 2014

This feeling.

Sunday is my favourite day.
Waking up.
The sun is shining.
I take a walk.
It´s warm.
I get back home.
I put on a Bob Marley radio channel.
Never gets tiring.
He´s been in my life since always.
Travelled with me everywhere.
We even had a rough time with Bob.
I was working at a banana farm in Cooktown, Australia.
And they played "The Legend" on repeat.
I drink a glass of lemon water.
Followed by yogurt and granola.
I finish up some work.
I change.
Remembered my new red bikini.
I hop on my bike.
Head for the beach.
Feel the ocean breeze.
And do what I love.
Read a book.
And occasionally sit and admire people.
I am finally in a happy place.

I have been rocking this workout-
Homeless person look.
For many days.
And yesterday I can say.
Damn I looked good.

Jan 10, 2014

My body is my temple.

My blogger has decided to be spanish permanently.
And I am fine with that.
They say people leave Mexico.
But Mexico never leaves people.
Or do they, haha.

I haven´t told you that I accidentally quit smoking.
I have pretty much been since a teenager.
It is bad.
I blame a doctor that I saw when I was 11.
He told me I was most likely going to start smoking.
But I enjoy it.
I never thought I needed it.
But I wanted to smoke.
It gave me pleasure.
A sense of calm.
A quiet moment.
I always said I´d quit when I found out I am pregnant.
So here we go...
Just kidding.
I am not pregnant.
During my Mexican nights I didn´t smoke in courtesy to someone else.
When a few days had passed it became more of an issue for myself.
Am I strong enough to continue with not smoking.
Am I so weak that I have to give in.
Can I not smoke when everyone around me smokes?
I mean now I am writing about it.
And all I see is the moment.
And all I do is want to smoke.
I guess that´s what I have been excessively eating candy.
And snacks.
And now I will try to focus this craving on sports instead.
I will treat my body like the holy place it is.
Yesterday I ran.
I have never been able to breathe as well.
So tomorrow it´s time for Bikram Yoga.
I have never done it before.
If I die during the session.
Remember to play Iron Lion Zion by Bob Marley at my funeral.
And sprinkle my ashes in the most remote places on earth.
For example Nauru island that I read about a few days ago.

My point is.
If your body is healthy.
Your mind will be healthy.
Followed by your spirit.
All of these things work together.
And especially now when my body is still hurting from my car accident.
I really need to look into new ways of healing to get rid of this pain.
I saw a new doctor today.
I feel like I need to heal in other ways.
The mind need some healing too.
That is why I am planning a trip.
My birthday is coming up.
Why not calm the mind in Guatemala?
Sit in nature and meditate?

Yesterday I felt like a lady.
I dressed up.
Fixed up, looked sharp.
Put on my high heels.
First time in months.
Went for midnight dinner.
Had a few drinks.
Wanted to sleep.

Jan 8, 2014

Amazing vibes.

I´m sorry.
I have been very distant.
Up and down.
That´s how I am.
Sometimes I wonder if I am not supposed to feel happiness at it´s full extent.
Because then the downfall is so much harder.
I am trying to see good things in everything.
But today I just wasn´t able to get out of bed.
I was scared of how I was going to feel once I did.
Once I did I realised it´s always going to be a struggle.
I just should´t let the negative thoughts take over.
Because there´s so much good in my life.
And in me.
I am just so sensitive.
I need to be strong.
I an amazing person has entered my life.
I am not sure where it will go.
Or what it means.
I just know there´s a deep spiritual connection.
A sense of understanding.
A lot of wisdom to gain.
I think this person is someone who will bring a lot of joy into my life.
And I feel very happy.
Amazing times are ahead.
2014 will be my year.
I can´t believe it´s been a year since our party in L.A.
Where should I celebrate this year?

Can I hire someone to organise my thoughts in my head.
Unfortunately it´s a mess and there´s a lot of them?
I guess you could call yourself a therapist?

Jan 5, 2014


I have returned from my Mexico.
Something happened to me there.
Something big.
And I detoxed from everything else.
Than the moment.
And the feeling.
I still want to keep living in it.
So I´ll tell you more soon.
Goodnight for now.