Jan 30, 2014

The chosen path.

Today is a good day.
Yesterday was not.
I got punished for choices I made.
I suffered.
I cried.
I said goodbyes.
Then I got up.
Realised I have done my share of crying.
No more.
I smiled.
I Giggled.
It led to laughter.
I stand firmly behind my choices.
And I am so happy.
I wish I could share this feeling with you.
Right now.
I am not sure when I have been this happy.
I am on the right path.
My belongings are on the path.
To Finland.
All I got is my backpack now.
My mantra for the whole year.
My 2014.
Don´t be surprised when we toast in July.
And I go "2014!!!!!!".

In other news.
I don´t need new socks.
But damn.
I love them.

Jan 27, 2014

All the secrecy is over.

Here it is.
Be privileged to find out.
Why I´ve been so quiet recently.
Besides my sickness.
I´ve had a hard time mentally.
You´ve heard my complaints.
I don´t think I´ve fully been happy.
For a very long time.
I have convinced myself for a long time.
That I am.
But I was just lying to myself.
Pushing real feelings aside.
And that made me depressed.
And it came fast.
And hard.
I had days where I didn´t want to get out of bed.
I just didn´t want to face my feelings.
Better to just sleep it all away.

A decision was made.
About 2 weeks ago.
There have been signs for a long time.
And one day something happened.
And it made me make the final decision.
And this is the biggest change.
Biggest decision I´ve ever made.
I have packed my whole life into boxes.
Yet again.
2 years fits in about 5 suitcases I would say.
And from that amount I have given away.
Loads and loads.
On saturday I´m throwing my backpack on my back.
My life as an assistant is over.
And I´m going to Guatemala.
And I´m totally free.
Free from everything.
I have no job.
No apartment.
No commitments.
All I have is a flight and my camera.
And we will make love.
Believe me.
I might graduate from school on the way too.

Do you know how it feels like?
To just have the road in tront of you?
I can tell you.
It´s all smiles.
I told you.
26 will be about me.
Throwback to Lombok, Indonesia 2011.
This feeling. 

Jan 26, 2014


I don´t think I´ve ever been this sick.
In my life.
Throwing up.
Body ache.
Yesterday I was not able to move.
So happy I have good friends.
My friend brought me gatorade.
That I threw up.
Today I feel slightly better.
Just really weak.
More to come.

Jan 24, 2014

My feelings can´t show.

I have been distant.
I am sitting here.
Just took the dogs out.
Listening to my friend Willis Earl Beals new album.
That he sent to me by email.
And commanded me to leak.
You really should listen.
His voice is magical.
He is an amazing person.
And he already is known.
But I do think he will grow to be even bigger.
Here´s the link. 
A place that doesn´t exist, is the album.
And my feelings can´t show is on repeat now.

My birthday happened.
Birthdays are always weird for me.
But this one felt so great.
Like 26 will be the most amazing year.
That´s how I felt.
I´m coming to life.
I got dressed up like a lady.
And had a fancy dinner.
And got filled with sake.
And got a little drunk.
And didn´t have my wallet the next day.
So it´s gone.
But you know what.
I won´t let that bring me down.
Things will sort themselves out.

Big changes are coming my way.
And that is also why I haven´t opened up my Etsy yet.
That has to wait for a while.

And I have a ticket to go to Guatemala.
Feb 1st.
Meeting up with a beautiful human being.
And exploring the wilderness.

My birthday fancy lady look. 

My birthday cake Nobu style.
And thanks to my friend Aiko who´s the manager I eat like a queen.
Spoiled queen. 

Jan 21, 2014


Today is my birthday.
26 will be the year.
My year. 
It's happening.
Wish me luck.

Jan 18, 2014


I have so much say.
And yet nothing.
So much going on in my head.
It´s overwhelming.
I miss someone a lot.
I went out on thursday.
One of those really random nights.
I needed to dance.
So that is what I did.
At a place called Rec room.
My friend was djing.
Then we danced some more in another place.
Yesterday was a rough day.
And today still a little tired.
I am brown haired now.
And in a hurry to go over to a mansion.
And eat meatballs.

I am trying to set up my etsy.
It´s so much work.

This is very I will stuff my face with meatballs.
So pretty.

My cuties today.
Last night they cuddled me so much I could not move.

My tour dad Wayne is in Miami to record an artist.

Sometimes I wish someone would model for me when I see things I wanna capture.
And surroundings.
But sometimes I´m the only one around.
And today I am all black.

Jan 15, 2014


To be announced.
I am officially opening an Etsy shop.
As you know I love my thrift stores.
I have a couple of times sent clothes to a vintage shop in Finland.
Maybe I will still do that at some point.
But now.
I wanted to start my own.
So today was a photoshoot.
All day.
Not done yet.
Will try to get the store up and running asap.
Also will be producing more posters of my photographs.

Erikas old cheerleading jacket will be for sale in the shop.
Also shipping to Finland. 

Jan 14, 2014


Today I was in Heat, Miami Heat.
And I am wearing yet again color.
Maybe it´s a habit.

I sold a poster of my NOPE piece.
Taken somewhere in a North Florida Field at 6am.
If you see anything on my annikaoksanen.com site that you would like to purchase.
Contact me through the site.
And we can go from there.

Jan 13, 2014

I heart you.

I have never felt this energy from people.
On how much they get out of the New Year.
New opportunities.
Amazing vibes.
I feel it everywhere.
Everyone keeps reminding me too.
I have never felt special about a year changing until now.
I see everything so clearly now.
The signs are popping up everywhere.
I cried today.
I sat on the floor.
And I cried.
Other than that.
I had a pretty awesome day.
What about you?

PS. If you haven´t yet.
Go see my amazingly astonishing beautiful homepage annikaoksanen.com

I took this picture today.
And I love the fact that for once.
I am in color.
(I always wear black).

Jan 12, 2014

This feeling.

Sunday is my favourite day.
Waking up.
The sun is shining.
I take a walk.
It´s warm.
I get back home.
I put on a Bob Marley radio channel.
Never gets tiring.
He´s been in my life since always.
Travelled with me everywhere.
We even had a rough time with Bob.
I was working at a banana farm in Cooktown, Australia.
And they played "The Legend" on repeat.
I drink a glass of lemon water.
Followed by yogurt and granola.
I finish up some work.
I change.
Remembered my new red bikini.
I hop on my bike.
Head for the beach.
Feel the ocean breeze.
And do what I love.
Read a book.
And occasionally sit and admire people.
I am finally in a happy place.

I have been rocking this workout-
Homeless person look.
For many days.
And yesterday I can say.
Damn I looked good.

Jan 10, 2014

My body is my temple.

My blogger has decided to be spanish permanently.
And I am fine with that.
They say people leave Mexico.
But Mexico never leaves people.
Or do they, haha.

I haven´t told you that I accidentally quit smoking.
I have pretty much been since a teenager.
It is bad.
I blame a doctor that I saw when I was 11.
He told me I was most likely going to start smoking.
But I enjoy it.
I never thought I needed it.
But I wanted to smoke.
It gave me pleasure.
A sense of calm.
A quiet moment.
I always said I´d quit when I found out I am pregnant.
So here we go...
Just kidding.
I am not pregnant.
During my Mexican nights I didn´t smoke in courtesy to someone else.
When a few days had passed it became more of an issue for myself.
Am I strong enough to continue with not smoking.
Am I so weak that I have to give in.
Can I not smoke when everyone around me smokes?
I mean now I am writing about it.
And all I see is the moment.
And all I do is want to smoke.
I guess that´s what I have been excessively eating candy.
And snacks.
And now I will try to focus this craving on sports instead.
I will treat my body like the holy place it is.
Yesterday I ran.
I have never been able to breathe as well.
So tomorrow it´s time for Bikram Yoga.
I have never done it before.
If I die during the session.
Remember to play Iron Lion Zion by Bob Marley at my funeral.
And sprinkle my ashes in the most remote places on earth.
For example Nauru island that I read about a few days ago.

My point is.
If your body is healthy.
Your mind will be healthy.
Followed by your spirit.
All of these things work together.
And especially now when my body is still hurting from my car accident.
I really need to look into new ways of healing to get rid of this pain.
I saw a new doctor today.
I feel like I need to heal in other ways.
The mind need some healing too.
That is why I am planning a trip.
My birthday is coming up.
Why not calm the mind in Guatemala?
Sit in nature and meditate?

Yesterday I felt like a lady.
I dressed up.
Fixed up, looked sharp.
Put on my high heels.
First time in months.
Went for midnight dinner.
Had a few drinks.
Wanted to sleep.

Jan 8, 2014

Amazing vibes.

I´m sorry.
I have been very distant.
Up and down.
That´s how I am.
Sometimes I wonder if I am not supposed to feel happiness at it´s full extent.
Because then the downfall is so much harder.
I am trying to see good things in everything.
But today I just wasn´t able to get out of bed.
I was scared of how I was going to feel once I did.
Once I did I realised it´s always going to be a struggle.
I just should´t let the negative thoughts take over.
Because there´s so much good in my life.
And in me.
I am just so sensitive.
I need to be strong.
I an amazing person has entered my life.
I am not sure where it will go.
Or what it means.
I just know there´s a deep spiritual connection.
A sense of understanding.
A lot of wisdom to gain.
I think this person is someone who will bring a lot of joy into my life.
And I feel very happy.
Amazing times are ahead.
2014 will be my year.
I can´t believe it´s been a year since our party in L.A.
Where should I celebrate this year?

Can I hire someone to organise my thoughts in my head.
Unfortunately it´s a mess and there´s a lot of them?
I guess you could call yourself a therapist?

Jan 5, 2014


I have returned from my Mexico.
Something happened to me there.
Something big.
And I detoxed from everything else.
Than the moment.
And the feeling.
I still want to keep living in it.
So I´ll tell you more soon.
Goodnight for now.